panty check 1986
many situations have recently arisen in which i encouter aspects of my childhood that make me stop, have a sip of kool-aid, and think: this makes so much sense. i give you:
Exhibit A: My Four Year Old Chart
while i didn't exactly excel in picking up my toys or getting dressed by myself, i indubitably received a gold star next to "i come home with dry panties." and, check out all of the gold-star-roller-skating- sparkly-heart-flare-like-goodness i received when waking up with dry panties. i give you the simple rationale and attempt of reverse psychology: a technique of convincing a person that they will not succeed in hopes that it will spur them to succeed; a technique employing pessimism in order to effect a positive outcome. clearly, i'm allergic to this psychobabble. to this day i can only use the word panty when referring to my favorite game (after twister and pop-o-matic trouble,) Panty Wars. yep.
Exhibit B: Absurd Attention Abstractionism Defecit Disorder
if you give me a piece of white paper or an extra sugarfree gum wrapper i'll most likely turn it into some sort of oragami-like crane creation or a paper fortune teller of sorts. (which supports an underlying speculation that i am internally asian.) above is a collage i made when i was 4.5. doesn't the glow of the minnesota poison control sticker (under the 'i was beary good' sticker i received as a prize after only flinching four times for my flu shot) contrast nicely with the intrinsiclly-embedded-at-age-four st. louis cardinal rivalry in the upper left hand corner? i give this a rating of random.68/10, though i suppose i am a biased deluxe representation with special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, and onions on a sesame seed bun, sans the two all-beef patties.
on that note, have a first-rate super sonic the hedgehog weekend. sega!
Exhibit A: My Four Year Old Chart
while i didn't exactly excel in picking up my toys or getting dressed by myself, i indubitably received a gold star next to "i come home with dry panties." and, check out all of the gold-star-roller-skating- sparkly-heart-flare-like-goodness i received when waking up with dry panties. i give you the simple rationale and attempt of reverse psychology: a technique of convincing a person that they will not succeed in hopes that it will spur them to succeed; a technique employing pessimism in order to effect a positive outcome. clearly, i'm allergic to this psychobabble. to this day i can only use the word panty when referring to my favorite game (after twister and pop-o-matic trouble,) Panty Wars. yep.Exhibit B: Absurd Attention Abstractionism Defecit Disorder
if you give me a piece of white paper or an extra sugarfree gum wrapper i'll most likely turn it into some sort of oragami-like crane creation or a paper fortune teller of sorts. (which supports an underlying speculation that i am internally asian.) above is a collage i made when i was 4.5. doesn't the glow of the minnesota poison control sticker (under the 'i was beary good' sticker i received as a prize after only flinching four times for my flu shot) contrast nicely with the intrinsiclly-embedded-at-age-four st. louis cardinal rivalry in the upper left hand corner? i give this a rating of random.68/10, though i suppose i am a biased deluxe representation with special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, and onions on a sesame seed bun, sans the two all-beef patties.
on that note, have a first-rate super sonic the hedgehog weekend. sega!
posted by jodi.2 at 2:53 PM
13 Comments:
Now knowing my affinity toward twister and all things pop-o-matic I do think that I would be good at panty wars and would like to try this. But first a few questions:
1) How must this game be started do you sing the national anthem or is there a stealth bomber fly by?
2) Are there umpires or referees of some sort?
3) What if anything constitutes a foul or penalty?
4) Does the time clock run up (soccer) or down (football), or better yet is there a time restriction at all?
5) How is this game scored? Are there points for number of panties, color or cut? Does the scatter pattern have an outcome on the winner? What good is a game if there is no clear cut winner?
5) And lastly is this a contact sport/game?
These are things that I need to have answered before I just jump right into this new game.
That last one was #6 BTW I am simply not able to count due to the heat frying my brain!
Is there a Special Forces Unit in the Panty Army? This would be the super stealth group of Panty Raiders that tuck the panties in odd places, such as inside pillowcases and over the heads of statue artwork.
If yes please commission an officer position for me.
Thank you.
Yours,
Loyal Soldier to the Boycut Brigade
You need panties for your privates Private Slo!
"I don't know but I been told...
Eskimo pussy is might cold."
In reference to your oragamic tendencies:
All I can remember from Pre-Calculus are the many combinations, permutations, and variations in which you can fold a silver gum wrapper. For example - horizontal lines, vertical lines, horizontal & vertical lines, parallel diagonal lines, diagonal lines radiating about the center of the gum wrapper. The spaces between said lines can be constant or varied (creating wave-like effect). Interesting combinations can also be used to creat designs such as American flags. If the math lesson was especially awful and even paper folding got boring, I could always peel the silver off the wrapper and adhere it to other objects. Like my graphing calculator. I think I bought Wrigley's not for the gum, but for the wrappers.
Also, I would normally comment on your evil anti-Cardinals propaganda, but I already put up one cocky baseball comment today. And then we lost to the Cubs. So I will refrain for the sake of the team.
Just so you know, I think your 4 year old chart is one of the funniest things I have ever seen.
That is all.
I don't know how to respond. That's freaking hilarious!
But I am curious as to why you still have this stuff? I realize the beauty of the sticker art, but after a while... you generally get rid of these things.
Although perhaps I could use that chart now-a-days. I'd fail "get ready on time".. "pick up my toys" and "do favors for others." Happily I can say I generally come home with dry panties (generally!)
omg, I must go - there's a giantic bug in my apartment trying to kill me. Must find him and destroy him first!
janie: though usually coined a pacifist, i answer your questions with great panty war pride. (not to be confused with the Vikings purple pride, pride parade, or the hit television show 'leaders of the pride: a lion king story.')
1.) kelkian panty anthem? stalth bomber fly by? run by fruitings? no. no no. one word: PAINTBALL.
2.) umpires and referees would constitue rules. we know how i feel about following rules, as i only follow when o'doyle rules. however, there are cowbells involved. and kazoos.
3.) did you mean pant-alty? i thought so. see question two section 1.1.
4.) a panty runs on ping-pong time, naturally.
5.) everyone scores in a panty war... gold star styles.
5.2) yes. and yes. (blindfolds optional.)
want to be gomer?
slo: i shall comission you sergeant slo of the kelkian panty war of 2006. do you dare to flash the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you kelka? do you promise to abide the nonrules, distribute kick-ass panty songs, and to remain abreast of the boycut? over and out.
greylibra: permutations rule. and graphing calculators suck, but not as much as the cardinals.
kai: uh, stick to kelka's chart. it's the only chart necessary after age four. thank you for playing.
the four year old chart is impressive and i almost missed the pink elephant on the collage.
hugging kangaroos too! wow.
have a good weekend.
Jodi,
You get a gold star from me for this hilarious post!
I'm trying to think if I ever got a gold star...if I did I know it was NOT for being quiet...
Internally Asian, huh?
~Love ya, Da Mins
Huahuahuauhuahuauhauhauha.
Oops. *ahem*
Oy vey, you are too funny. (how many times have I said that?)
And I'd like to nominate you to be an honorary Asian.
*sigh* oh jodi....now i know where the AAADD comes from. ;)
Reading this comment page was very entertaining...thats for sure.
Interestingly enough, the phrase wet panties means something completely different now a days then it did when we were four eh????
or is that just me.
over and out.
hahah, i was laughing so hard....
you are funny from birth girl....
wet panties... i agree with jagged..
mucho love, s
PBWolf: it's all about the roos.
bailarin: the LEASH! we put my youngest brother on one of those when we went to disney world. holy shit, it was hilarious/the photos are still used as blackmail.
minnie: the more gold stars the merrier.
addie: konichiwa! er... sayonara. i better just stick with aloha.
twinklestar: we could negotiate something. i'll have my lawyer contact you.
jagged: yep, it's just you.
sontehgo: laughter is good for the pancreas. keep laughing!
devon: now you're catching on... it's like the version of 'one of these things is not like the other' but in jodi's life they all bunch up like a wedgie.
Post a Comment
<< Home