the box

for the restivus

2007-12-09T02:23:00.000-06:00

reason #3849 why i love the midwest

2007-06-08T13:38:00.000-05:00

nothing says fun like an inspirational environmentally friendly dumpster.

shadowblogger

2007-02-02T13:37:00.000-06:00

about a year ago i started a blog called me and my shadow. while it is likely that i subconsciously was thinking of my dear rodent friend the groundhog at this time, i would like to take this moment to wish you a happy groundhog day.

additionally, i would like to point out that i always associated bill murray's 'groundhog day' movie with his other hit, 'what about bob.'

oh - i also had a random memory of playing a groundhog named greta in an elementary school play about animals in hibernation. i had to wear floppy ears made out of animal fur.

and, speaking of hibernation - phil? yes, you, mr. groudhog. i found your shadow. it's between the actual temperature of -5F and the "what it feels like" temperature of -12F.

el fin.

for the rest-iv-us!

2006-12-23T12:51:00.000-06:00

on this carefree day of december 23, i would like to wish a Happy Festivus to all fellow seinfeldian festivus celebrators. and regina spektor. in an attempt to shed holiday materialism, may you gather around your aluminum pole and embrace this holidazzle of a cult phenomenon. i also encourage you to get out and purchase a fine bottle of 2003 cabernet sauvignon from the pedroncelli winery, a festivus wine described as "a wine to toast grievances by, a wine to embolden your most bodacious* feats of strength."

as the head of my household, i look forward to being wrestled to the floor and pinned down in the Feats of Strength after my sushi dinner of which i will participate in the Airing of Grievances, letting those closest to me know how they disappointed me over the past year. i can't wait!

(six degrees of festivus: does anyone else find it slightly ironic that ben & jerry's came out with an ice cream called Festivus, and frank costanza, the prime source of recognizing festivus on the show seinfeld, is played by jerry stiller who has a son named ben?

...and is it also perhaps, a bit ironic that jerry stiller shares the same name as jerry seinfeld? no. probably not.)

*i believe they were mistaken, and meant jodacious.

saving the world one snowflake at a time

2006-12-01T10:02:00.000-06:00

i know it's december because today my socks slid down into my shoes, reminding me of the winter days in elementary school that i would forget to pack my tennis shoes and have to wear my sorel boots all day.

i know it's december, and cold in december, not only because i listened to regina spektor's song december and matt costa's song cold december this morning, but because the weatherperson on the radio had to distinguish the fact that the temperature was nine degrees above zero, opposed to nine degrees below zero. this would be in degrees Fahrenheit, for those of you metric system conformists of Other Countries.

i know it's december because today is world AIDS day. who's excited for human right's day on december 10? and festivus?

i know it's going to be a long december and there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last, but this past year was pretty spectacular, and if there's reason to believe maybe this next year will be better than the last, then i'll believe whatever the counting crows tell me to believe... unless it's contradictory with a Beatles song.

5-0

2006-11-26T19:55:00.000-06:00

once upon a time in a land far far away i took a photo of a sunset, and it looked like this. and we lived happily ever after. el fin.

my second favorite music video.

2006-11-14T21:11:00.000-06:00

a beatles music video attempt? it's so crappy! i love it!

remember remember the fifth of november

2006-11-05T14:37:00.000-06:00

last year's guy fawkes celebration:my two cents: if you can't blow up parlaiment, vote!

what do seal's say? arrugrrhrgh? arrugrrhrgh?

2006-10-25T19:19:00.000-05:00

once i went to the beach,
and i saw this,
and i took a photo,
and that's all.

ocho

2006-10-18T04:11:00.000-05:00

eight reasons this week is greight:
1. i get to see live music.
2. my mood ring is blue.
3. i get to play catch.
4. snow is coming.
5. the redcoats are coming!
6. it is elka's birthday.
7. i get to see live music again.
8. saturday is 'count your buttons' day.

thank you for your participation.

the only one i read

2006-10-11T12:49:00.000-05:00

i heart water towers

2006-10-06T00:37:00.000-05:00

this is my favorite water tower in loves park, IL.
yes, i have a favorite water tower.

happy october

2006-10-01T03:03:00.000-05:00

Happy October 1, World Vegetarian Day, Fire Pup Day, National Custodial Worker Day, International Day of Older Persons, Farm Animals Day, and Intergeneration Day.

the mutual exclusivity of these 'official' propositional holidays collectively exhausts me.

okay that's all.

except-
in the first (aka: real) movie adaptation ofRoald Dahl's Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, the unprecedented tour of the chocolate factory occured on October 1. candy is dandy but liquor is quicker... save some room for later agustus!

and-
on this day in the magnificent year of 1982 EPCOT opened. come on everybody, let's mousercise.

oh-
happy birthday julie andrews, marry poppins, fraulein maria von trapp, dr. sarah louise sherman, millie dillmount, victoria, and queen clarisse renaldi. so long, farewell, au revoir, auf wiedersehen... gretl, get your finger out of friedrich's teeth and put on your drape-dress.

i heart october,
it smells crisp.

root canal

2006-09-26T03:21:00.000-05:00

i've been doing some vocabulary building lately. a few thoughts regarding why root words need to be uprooted:

* ambi means both sides, or around. dext means right hand, or right side. ambidextrous is defined as 'able to use both hands equally well.' my uneasiness in this definition lies within the fact that the left hand receives zero recognition (unless rous means left hand, or left side and someone has forgotten to inform me.) this definition clearly is un-ambi.
* i understand that the root word liber can mean free when referring to words such as liberate, liberal, and is only one letter away from our friend Napoleon Dynamite's favorite lion-tiger crossed animal, the liger. my qualm stems from the freedoms in the African country of liberia, which means "land of the free." did you know that academic freedoms are restricted? as are women's freedoms, independent media freedoms, economic freedoms, religious freedoms, societal group freedoms, and government freedoms? something isn't right here.
* being quasi-familiar with the spanish language, i am aware that fum is the root word for smoke (fumar = to smoke en espanol.). but what about when the vikings are up 16-12 with 3:25 remaining in the fourth quarter, and butters mcbutterson fumbles the ball on our 37-yard line, resulting in a touchdown and a loss. does that mean i can smoke out the vikings offensive team for last weekend's fumbilicious play?
* cyn is supposedly the root word for dog; i have often been called cynical. just because i distrust or disparage the motives of others does not mean i bark.

i can acknowledge that roots are not applicable to all words, but i can still enjoy misinterpreting and twisting them.

l'eggo the lego eggo

2006-09-24T02:10:00.000-05:00

some dude with a little too much time on his hands actually made an eggo out of LEGO's, and i give him credit for constructively making a slogan tangible. speaking of eggo's, i would like to briefly mention an item near and dear to my heart: cereal. i enjoy cereal more than Mikey, the cap'n, tony the tiger, snap, crackle, pop, the lucky charms lepracaun, count chocula, frankenberry, toucan sam, the trix rabbit, and, well, you get the hint. our good friend mr. kellogg has decided to introduce a new-ish cereal to the market: Eggo Maple Syrup cereal. if you are not familiar with this cereal, go out to your local supermarket today and become acquainted with this product that melts in your mouth, not in your toaster. kid tested, jodi approved.

ode to The rainbow

2006-09-21T12:32:00.000-05:00

once upon a time
in a land far far away
i would look out my office window
and see this every day

i have a qualm with this forecast

2006-09-19T02:43:00.000-05:00

the only time the number 34 should be referenced in the month of september is when referring to kirby puckett.

Today

52° | 34°
oh well. at least the vikings are undefeated. bring on the blankets! (sans "pigs in a.")

acronymatic spreadable goodness

2006-09-15T06:10:00.000-05:00

I
N-ever
S-leep
O-odles
M-eanwhile
N-utella
I-nduces
A-lleviation

why ask why when you can tie-dye?

2006-09-13T00:34:00.000-05:00

i have the sudden urge to tie-dye something.

9 bear hugs

2006-09-09T01:08:00.000-05:00

ah, good morning september 9, a wonderful day filled with two of my favorite things: mathematics and teddy bears.

not only does 9+9=18, but 9 x 9 =81, both equaling 9. how fun! actually, if you multiply 9 by any whole number greater than zero and repeatedly add the digits of the answer until it is just one digit, you'll get 9.

for example, if you take my phone number, 867-5309 x 9, you get 78,077,781. from there, 7+8+0+7+7+7+8+1 = 45. and finally, 4+5 = 9. bam. PERMDAS if necessary, and don't forget to FOIL. now, if only there were still 9 planets, life would be complete.

in unrelated news, it's teddy bear day! i have a few things to say about this:
-what rhymes with original sin? Teddy Ruxpin.
-my favorite teddy bear? corduroy.
-my childhood: the teddy bear band.
-thank you former presidente theo for your contribution to huggable goodness.
-today give 1,000,000,000 bear hugs, because there are 9 zeros in one billion. or 9 will suffice.
-this evening, go on a teddy bears' picnic, and make yourself a Teddybear: a shot of vodka and bailey's irish cream.

have a novenary nonagonic teddyfabulous hugging day.

oh + pi = ihop

2006-09-05T00:23:00.000-05:00

post secret THIS:
i am addicted to the concept of an international house of pancakes,
but i have never been in one.
GO TO IHOP.

volk my wagen

2006-09-01T02:24:00.000-05:00

i motion German linguists change the meaning of the word Volkeswagen from "people's car" to...
ROAD TRIP!!!
where the hell will i end up this time?
on that note...
Aus Liebe zum Automobil!
Haben Sie ein gutes Wochenende!
Bleiben Sie von Raupen fern!
.... and, bye/tschüs/sushi...
gesundheit!

see the world.

2006-08-28T15:30:00.000-05:00

see the world
by gomez
listen.

what rhymes with shmedding...

2006-08-26T00:36:00.000-05:00

uh, guess where i am?
have a boqueterific weekend.

in honor of taco tuesday

2006-08-22T20:33:00.000-05:00

there's no "i" in team*,
but taco bell ucked up.(*unless you're on jodi's team)

viva la tree

2006-08-21T16:02:00.000-05:00

this was a supertasticfantabulosotreerificsunsetofaday.
phew.

illusion shmillusion.

2006-08-17T04:25:00.000-05:00

the insert appears to move in this particular optical illusion as an attempt to confuse us. (though, to me, it closely resembles a culmination between smashed leftover halloween candy corn, and the byproduct of a maize influenced below-average underwater basket weaving attempt.)
warning: staring at the intricate image for too long may result in optical poptitude.

oh peas.

2006-08-15T18:32:00.000-05:00

one of these things is not like the other(s): peas rule. keep the peas. peas pass the peas. peas off. world peas. make peas not war. peas pass the pasketti. portions of peas taste like poopy shit. give peas a chance. peas keep off the grass. running into a door results in minor concussion, seeing stars, and frozen peas.

non-google ad: my band, the black and blue armed peas, is seeking a non-fergie-related drummer to fill the left arm void of percussion, as it is currently under construction. i am temporarily alternating to the role of cowbell, a right-winged/armed instrument inspired by my good friend Will. applications may be sent to jodi c/o the box at 42 wallaby way. thanks, and have a peasful day.

happy national creamsicle day

2006-08-14T14:31:00.000-05:00

yum.

go listen to my favorite band of the day: The Creamsicles
or their sista from anotha motha: Creamsicle
apparently incorporating this the word into band names is "cool."

tv = box

2006-08-11T00:43:00.000-05:00

i think i need a happy meal.
click here for a gnarly time,
and have a frigginblingtastic weekend.

i want to play in a ball pit

2006-08-09T03:25:00.000-05:00

ah, childhood coordination at its finest. fun.
have a humpilicious day.

have you ever had a musicgasm?

2006-08-03T01:52:00.000-05:00

lollapalooza 2006 i've converted to lollapaloozadiasmityistiam.
have a squeetastic weekend.

yo yo yodel

2006-08-01T01:21:00.000-05:00

since august 1 is national swiss day, i encourage you all to:

1. eat a slice of swiss cheese. use the remainder to carve a statue of Heidi with your swiss army knife.
2. slap on your favorite swiss-style will cow bell and grab the fondue pot. cause a ruchus, but caution: stay away from the meat fondue.
3. indulge in some lindt, some toblerone, and prepare for a swiss diss. to compensate, have a little debbie swiss cake.
4. have a bottle of hurlimann export with martina hingis and reminisce about the times aboard the swiss family robinson ship to CERN.
5. put your car in neutral.

panty check 1986

2006-07-28T14:53:00.000-05:00

many situations have recently arisen in which i encouter aspects of my childhood that make me stop, have a sip of kool-aid, and think: this makes so much sense. i give you:

Exhibit A: My Four Year Old Chart

while i didn't exactly excel in picking up my toys or getting dressed by myself, i indubitably received a gold star next to "i come home with dry panties." and, check out all of the gold-star-roller-skating- sparkly-heart-flare-like-goodness i received when waking up with dry panties. i give you the simple rationale and attempt of reverse psychology: a technique of convincing a person that they will not succeed in hopes that it will spur them to succeed; a technique employing pessimism in order to effect a positive outcome. clearly, i'm allergic to this psychobabble. to this day i can only use the word panty when referring to my favorite game (after twister and pop-o-matic trouble,) Panty Wars. yep.

Exhibit B: Absurd Attention Abstractionism Defecit Disorder

if you give me a piece of white paper or an extra sugarfree gum wrapper i'll most likely turn it into some sort of oragami-like crane creation or a paper fortune teller of sorts. (which supports an underlying speculation that i am internally asian.) above is a collage i made when i was 4.5. doesn't the glow of the minnesota poison control sticker (under the 'i was beary good' sticker i received as a prize after only flinching four times for my flu shot) contrast nicely with the intrinsiclly-embedded-at-age-four st. louis cardinal rivalry in the upper left hand corner? i give this a rating of random.68/10, though i suppose i am a biased deluxe representation with special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, and onions on a sesame seed bun, sans the two all-beef patties.

on that note, have a first-rate super sonic the hedgehog weekend. sega!

i am moving to Pangea.

2006-07-25T14:09:00.001-05:00

anyone out there familiar with the dress code? language? mating rituals? whether or not underweater basket weaving is a feasable third or fourth side hobby? does kiwifruit come in both green and yellow? can i train for the Iditarod? go to space camp? bring my kayak? drink my coffee black? are there any holidays? a tupac shakur rememberence day? are they aware of amelia bedelia's impact in society? big pun? are krispy kreme donuts available drive-thru styles? is there pie? is the animaniacs theme song still as annoying? will the wu tang clan be bringing their summer tour? do they show supermarket sweep re-runs? what about the cosby show? and the nick classic hey dude? can my cons be camo? do they know bette and tina? do they have famous athletes on their wheaties boxes? do wheaties even exist there? what about cap'n crunch with crunch berries? skim milk? heineken? ballet slippers? will my original NES be compatible with the electrical outlets? will i be able to ride my bike on the left side of the road and remain conscious? do parchment and quill remain acceptable forms of communication? what about odes? haiku's? telegrams? stop.

SO many questions. let me know if you know. ya know? thanks.

"i'm so mad i'm gonna kick the air!"

2006-07-23T11:47:00.000-05:00

cheap seats at the 1985 roller derby

i have decided to overcome my fear of women in knee pads to revitalize my status as an important Person in society, and become a professional roller derbiest.

why this sport? why not professional line dancing, roller coaster riding, double dutch, pick-up sticks, or hot dog eating? i shall give you five reasons why:

1. body blocking is allowed in all leagues and elbowing is allowed in some leagues, though participants are not allowed to trip or intentionally punch other players. i shall overcome these obstacles and simply use my 1980s WWF action figures as an inspiration to create fictitious and scripted matches with my opponents, which shall provide great material for a future autobiographical documentary entitled: inadvertently alike: rock, paper, scissors, roller derby. (note: this documentary is not to be confused with the 1972 raquel welch fictional film kansas city bomber, or the exploitative feature unholy rollers: the leader of the pack in which claudia jenning's character quits her job as a factory worker to join the roller derby. simply livin' the dream, one elbow-jab at a time.)

2. roller derby participants generally adopt stage names and gimmicks, evoking comparisons to, as noted above, professional wresting. i shall call myself: the patronizing pseudonym. i mean, seriously, would we have ever given the unintentionally amusing mr. T a second glance if he would have used his given name, lawrence tureaud? larry? no. mr. T. 'i pity the fool who don't eat my cereal!'

3. the sport encompasses a classy music genere, namely a twin cities punk band called 'the soviettes,' releasing the 2005 'roller girls mn party mix.' and who could forget last year's single 'roller derby lady'? i'm about 88.64% positive my theme song would be 'wipeout'. yep, that's a statistically significant percentage. ah, brings me back to my days encompassed by the highly infused roller rink aroma of stale sweat, burnt pizza, and Journey.

4. the costumes. have you seen what these ladies wear? back in my kickball days we had dress-up themed games, which would be highly recommended and encouraged on my roller derby team. (ideas: wok and woller derby, wu tang clan orangutan orange rock and roller derby day, don't be a menace in roller drerby while drinking your juice in the hood, etc.) i would also like to incorporate 'the blindfold challenge' into at least three out of seven weekly work-outs. and pie.

5. absurd pickup line potential. example: 'hey, wanna come into my penalty box?'. it's amazing how intentional jaw jabbing can unintentionally cause a jaw to drop.

so there you have it, kids. i would get squashed like the M*A*S*H theme song if i were to realistically participate in this league, but hopefully you are now more aware about the pros and chucks of this obscure sport.

yep.

2006-07-21T04:16:00.000-05:00

the orchid. somewhere in the netherlands. 2004.

2006-07-19T11:18:00.000-05:00

tulips in the keukenhof gardens. lisse, holland. april 2004.

2006-07-16T01:03:00.000-05:00

my current relationship with blogger stands above. figuratively.